Everything changes with time; our bodies, rules and regulations, music, style, even our language has changed and adapted with trends. If you read classic literature like Shakespeare it is a completely different style of how we speak now. Text speak is becoming increasingly popular, students have spell check to help correct anything they spell, wrong the comment section on articles is becoming a free-for-all with their/they’re/there and then/than falling as casualties, amongst others. Sometimes I feel like I am in the minority of people who make a conscious effort to use who and whom correctly, and I find myself silently correcting everyone but I never verbalize the correction because I am not one of those people.

I was thinking about sayings today and how every saying started somewhere, but, despite the fact I use them, I had no idea of their origin. When something goes amiss people say, “Well that’s the way the cookie crumbles.” I can understand why, but where did it start? Why did that phrase catch on to be passed on to generations of people and furthermore, why aren’t any of my phrases popular yet? I am going to toss out a few suggestions and tweaks for popular sayings. Pass my words around the world, let’s update old phrases to be up-to-date and reflect on our society.

Vintage Dreams With A Modern TwistOld phrase: That’s the way the cookie crumbles.

New phrase: That’s the way the gluten-free cake-pop from Starbucks crumbles.


Old phrase: It’s raining cats and dogs!

New phrase: it’s raining so hard let’s start a benefit to make sure cats and dogs have adequate shelter.


Old phrase: A penny saved is a penny earned.

New phrase: Every penny spent using my Starbuck’s rewards card is another point that I earned towards a free drink.


Old phrase: Loose lips sink ships.

New Phrase: Your Frenemy will share your Facebook status.


Old phrase: If a tree falls in a forest does it make a sound?

New Phrase: If you post a Facebook status but no one likes it, do you still exist?


Old phrase: An apple a day keeps the doctors away.

New phrase: An all organic diet keeps the doctors away.


Old phrase: As busy as a bee

New phrase: As busy as a barista at the hipster coffee shoppe around the corner where people can come to play their original music.


Old phrase: Be so happy that when people look at you, they become happy too.

New Phrase: Be so happy that when people see you they will ask what vitamins and makeup you use to look so ravishing. It is the perfect time to also pitch that you can sell them everything they need and they can also becomes a seller, too! You can make up to millions!


Old phrase: Don’t cry over spilt milk.

New Phrase: I am not changing this one. Plenty of strong, kick-ass women have cried over milk. The milk they took time to pump and save. The milk their children will drink, or husband, because this is a safe spot and we don’t judge here.


Old phrase: If the shoe fits, wear it.

New phrase: If the over-priced –sucks-your-stomach-fat-in leggings fit, tell your friends about them in a private group.


Old phrase: A watched pot never boils.

New phrase: A watched buffering circle on Netflix will never load.


Old phrase: Burn the midnight oil.

New phrase: Get your order submitted before the online coupon expires at midnight.


Old phrase: Dance like no one is watching.

New phrase: Try this new dance craze, everyone will be watching.